I had the revelation that what I need is more “me” time (what a cliché!). Then I’m doing the first exercise in Simple Abundance. The prompt is to write down not resolutions for the new year, but the longings in your heart. To my embarrassment the first thing that comes out is “to dance.” Then I get an email about a promotion at a place where I used to dance.
I make a very rational plea to my husband via email. This is a time commitment (the classes are 2 hours) and a substantial financial commitment. He’s totally supportive in a way that makes me well up.
I take a deep breath and sign up. I feel guilty about the money especially. #2 on my list was to start working outside the house, so I hope that over the next few months maybe something will come up and I can think about bringing in some cash to cover my ass.
I’m nervous and excited. I haven’t done this in sobriety. All the buffers between me an myself stripped away. Naked. The other side of exposed and vulnerable is the truth. And that is quite exciting. Because watching this video I became aware that when I did S Factor before, I could only go so deep. At the time I attributed it to my physical limitations and placed a lot of blame on my size and fitness level. When I stopped going, I fantasized about one day coming back in shape and ready to kick some butt. I really thought I only needed to change physically for things to fall into place.
I didn’t expect to get sober. I took away the major barrier between me and myself. Between me and everything… between me and God. Really it wasn’t until I plugged in spiritually (not physically or even mentally) that things began to fall into place. And now what once was a pipe dream has happened. I’m stronger than I have ever been in my life. More importantly I am ready to strip away the layers literally and figuratively. I’ll be dancing again starting Sunday.