Checking in on Day 6 of my 2nd Whole30. I think the fog might be lifting. Or maybe that’s because I just meditated. Anyway, feeling fairly good at the moment.
I do have some things to say. This is a diet. I have hemmed and hawed about it before, but The Whole30 is a set of external rules about what, how much and when to eat. And since I made a vow to never diet again, well I have broken that vow. Several times over the course of the last week I have asked myself why I am doing this. I think the biggest reason at this point is because I said I would and have a bunch of other people doing it with me. Since it’s their first time and my 2nd, I feel a sense of responsibility to help them through and let them know that it gets better.
And in the same way that helping others keeps us sober (or so I hear), helping others is keeping me on the Whole30. I admit that the sugar dragon had me once again, and it got worse over the holidays. But I can’t say that I really wanted to let that go. When I did this in August, I was so ready to be rid of the sugar cravings. This time I am letting them go, but I’m leaving some claw marks.
I started this blog post while my husband and son were out for a walk and my daughter was napping. The boys came home and my husband put on football and started asking what food he could have. My son wanted to play, and I became immediately resentful. I had already eaten, but I started getting a hankering for something sweet. I was so enjoying some time alone in a quiet house, meditating, writing and about to have some tea. All that went out the window and once again people needed me for stuff. Sigh.
In my food group we are asked to look at what we might really be needing if we find ourselves wanting to eat when we aren’t hungry. And I guess what I need is more time to myself for quiet, reflection and writing. To be with myself without distraction. So simple and yet so difficult to get right now.
But here is the thing about the Whole30. Would I have come to this realization if I hadn’t been restricted from sugar? When I can have whatever I want, it often doesn’t seem like such a big deal to have a square of chocolate. I get a taste for sweet, so I eat something sweet. I’m not eating an entire cake, so I typically don’t pause to look at what is really going on.
So it’s a diet, but I think for me it has value beyond the physical. When I can’t just be on auto-pilot with my food, my cravings become so much more obvious and I have no choice but to look at them.