I Confess!

I want to make a public confession that I have weighed a few times over the last two months.  The first entry I posted here is all about scales being evil.  I actually wrote that several months ago.  I still believe it, but I want to be honest about where I am in this process.

It started when I decided to do a Whole30 back in August.  The plan suggests that you weigh in at the beginning and at the end as well as take pictures and measurements.  I didn’t do the measurements or pics, but I capitulated on the weighing.  I’m not really sure why.  I think a lot of it had to do with some group mentality.  I was doing it with my husband, a couple friends of mine and also a community of people on the web who were starting on August 1st.  I pictured getting to the end and there being lots celebrating and virtual high-fives going around.   I didn’t want to miss out on anything.  Alcoholic, much?

I weighed in on August 1st and immediately regretted it.  I had lost weight since the last time I remembered weighing, and I think it triggered a reward feedback loop.  I wanted to weigh the next day and the next.  I resisted.  I think I said that I wasn’t going to weigh in at the end, but I did.  Again I lost weight, and again that made me want to weigh more.  It bums me out because despite everything I have learned and put into practice recently, the neural pathway of weight loss = good girl still exists.  I weighed once last week and once this week, and just need to stop.  The scale isn’t moving, and I actually don’t think I really care.  What am I hoping to get by stepping on?  I PR’d all over the place at Crossfit last week, so I know I’m getting fitter.

My husband refuses to get rid of the scale.  I know if I tucked it away, he’d go hunting for it immediately.  And really, his relationship with the scale is none of my business.  I must remember that no weight on that scale will ever make me feel as good as not needing the scale to assign a number value to my worth.

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6 thoughts on “I Confess!

  1. I weigh myself every morning. I’ve done this since I lost weight in spring. I hate that I do this, but I usually feel better afterwards. I’m convinced if I stop, the world will end. Or I’ll gain the weight I lost. Same thing. Thanks for your honesty. I really like your blog.

    • You’re definitely not alone. I think most people are preoccupied with the numbers on the scale. It’s really encouraged by society. Before I weighed in, people would ask me how much weight I had lost and I’d tell them I didn’t know. They’d look at me like I had two heads. Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

  2. I weigh myself every day and know its messes with my mind. But I get scared about even the thought of not doing so. Addicted – most likely. When I am on holiday and cant weigh I generally eat what I want and am always surprised whne I get home and have generally not put on eight. So I know the scales are bad for me. But not ready to give them up yet…………………

    • I really only became successful at weight loss when I stopped weighing and dieting. Of course, it’s not that simple. Lots of work around this in therapy and I’m also helped by the 12-steps and my spiritual program. But I did start out last year with the idea that my scale was torturing me rather than helping me. Thanks so much for reading!

  3. I got rid of my scales when my little girls started weighing themselves. I didn’t want them to go through the torture of looking at that dial every time they went into the bathroom & obsessing about food.

    I hid it under the bed, so it comes out for special occasions, like weighing cases for holidays to check we’re not over limit.

    I recently started a fitness programme and had to weigh myself and got such a heart attack… I was 11 stone! That also was a real achievement for me as I would never ever have allowed myself get over 10 stone if I had a scales in my bathroom!!

    My keep fit goal is to be able to go on long hikes without being to tired, and to get rid of some of the bulges that I never believed I would get! I know that if I do lots of muscle toning exercises I won’t lose weight because the fat will turn into muscle, and that’s ok today!!!

    So if hubby won’t get rid of the scales, at least make him hide it somewhere.. Xx

    • Thinking of my daughter hating herself because of a number on the scale is what started me on this journey. What matters is how we feel. I think not weighing has helped me stay on a healthy path because I have more positive motivators. You can’t hate yourself skinny, sober or happy!

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